Chickie456

So oof where to start off, well, September has been a meh month for me so to say. I haven't really felt like drawing much like I wanted which sucks, a lot...and I mean A LOT since I have a ton of ideas or plans and other stuff I still need to finish but it all gets tossed under the rug...

I actually had plans to open art trades for this month but even before Sep started went back on the idea cause I just felt and knew I would NOT be up for actually doing it :/ so that idea went down the drain...

Work has been fine, again it really wears me down, but I don't mind it's a MILLION times better than working at my old job...I think that's what has mainly been effecting me is my job with it being tiring, like as soon as I get home I eat and then lay down and soon go to sleep that's it for the week.

Ummm yeah I don't know what much else to add or say this month had just been boring yet busy with outside stuff

I do have stuff planned for October though! I had already worked on that way back of last year I think (or more so the start of 2023) also holy cow can't believe this year is almost over dear god where is the time going!?

Anyways hope everyone is doing good and safe, hope to be posting some stuff soon!

First off sorry for not being active on here, I have been so busy with getting use to this new job, plus I am working on a video that is a lot of work in editing and taking recordings over and over and over again cause I hate how each came out, but I am finally happy with the latest recordings now and just got edit everything together...oof

Then there are the shows, been getting Little Singham recorded since Netflix is deciding to once again start removing episodes...WHY!? Ugh, and also staying up for new Rudra eps...yeah it's been crazy...and with needing to be at work early in the morning yeah I just come home and try to catch up on my sleep as much as possible...ugh...it is all kind of a struggle right now.

BUT there is some good news...cause guess who is coming back after 2 years of being "dead"

GATTU BATTU! But from what I have seen the promo they show is an old one and nothing saying NEW EPS!!!! OMG NEW EPS!!! So my bet is it's just reruns, which is fine since I could use getting good copies of the eps now compared to my old way of recording with my camera on the TV, BUT main issue...the time...it's on at 6:30 am over here...I am at work....DANG IT!

But I plan to leave my phone on the side recording during that time while I work on the line so hope that all works out. This also leads onto if they are just showing reruns does that mean the show is officially like over now? Like if they didn't take this 2 year time to make new eps is the show just done with now???? I don't know :/

And now another issue, so I know I think in my last update post I said I would try to reopen art trades in Aug, and well I don't think I'll be able to :/ I am just really unsure since my job is changing the hours...so instead of working 8 and getting out around 3, it will now be a full 10 hours and getting out around 5 :/ yes we would get a 3 day weekend off technically but many other workers I have over heard are NOT happy with this...some have kids they need to pick up, others have a far drive, some (like me) joined because we got out early compared to so many other jobs and by the time our day is done we are tired and sore and ready to go home, but now we would have an added 2 hours onto it, most working there are older adults as well so I don't know how they will handle this new change. I don't know how I will handle this.. especially when new eps of the shows come around and I need to be up at like 2am, etc. Least getting out around 3 gave me time to come home and nap, now that time is even cut shorter.

But heck if I was able to stay up until 5am way back then for new GB eps then I can do this!

Another thing to is Aug is also my birthday and I kind of wanna have that month to myself you know, draw stuff hopefully, I am gonna ask for a new tablet, not an art tablet like an Ipad kind cause I want to download some apps and start working more on art/animation meme like videos and my computer is just somewhat old and the programs I have are not that great for doing art animation like stuff, plus from what I have seen and tried on my phone there are just way better options on that (like capcut is one thing I love), but using my phone for it is hard as well due to the small screen and all lol, so hopefully my family and I can pull through and get me a new Ipad/tablet (old one I have was given from my school so that one is VERY VERY outdated and pretty much useless now)

But anyways that's what I wanted to share/update on you guys about. Hope everyone else is doing okay and having a good day/time, take care

So I have only worked 4 days so far but holy cow I am liking it WAY more compared to my old job, just no customers or phones...just simple packing items for shipment.

It's kind of cool, to see how things work and are being shipped, etc.

Everyone does seem nice, I haven't gotten any bad vibes from anyone or seen people fight or have issues with each other, which also makes me feel safer in a sense compared to being a cashier, I haven't really made "friends" yet so to say or really talked with many there since it is more so focusing on getting the items packed, plus the loud machines there make it hard to understand people at times. Glad I wore some ear plugs, cause I do not want my hearing damaged over time, like yesterday I wore one in my left ear cause on my left side the guys kept slamming these boxes down on hard metal tables making such a loud noise but I kept my right ear open in case someone had to say something to me or to hear orders, etc. That did help A LOT in the end.

Only issue I have heard some other talk about and even I had that problem today was...

Getting sent home early :/ my first 2 days that happened but it was because we all finished early on our lines around past 1 so that wasn't so bad least I got hours in you know, but today I didn't even start anything! Right around 6:40 I had to call my mom to pick me up, it does suck since I want to really get use to working and actually want hours to make money that could help us, but it's not that much of a major hit since my mom does work as well, but I can imagine for some this would be terrible if this is their only main job to get money from...

Again that's the only issue I have heard and read in some reviews about the workplace online.

But hey least I got a day off...kind of lol...

But yeah the job is going great so far, I know there will be those days it might go sour, but the thing that makes me happy is no customers XD also we get 2 breaks during the day, one seems to go by quick but then the second break is LUNCH so time goes by slower. Also kind of like how we can keep our bags out in the open, there are lockers you can bring your own lock to use, but most of the people just leave their lunch bags on the shelves, so there is some level of trust, but I mean who is gonna steal? Like what really is the point in taking someone's lunch, that might not even have food you like in it you know? (Plus maybe there are tons of cameras around who knows XD) Also seen a minecraft backpack and a very cute Pikachu backpack X3

Gotta say my first day scared me since I was so nervous I didn't even eat or have much with me at the time, so half way through the day I legit felt like I was gonna faint 0-0 my blood just ran cold and out of my head to my feet, my head felt so light, it did scare me. They do have water stations where you can get water so that helped me, and I will make sure this never happens again! I now bring a lunch of course, so it's kind of like going to school all over again, just no boring classes or homework to do YAY!

I am still getting settled into everything and oh boy I am gonna be tested soon! Cause new Rudra episodes are starting next week and midnight over here...so we'll just have to wait and see how this goes down with sleep and all oh gosh...

But with this new set schedule now instead of work days being all over the place, I am hoping to be able to work more on videos, crafts, and art. I plan to even try and re-open art trades down the line, maybe in August HOPEFULLY.

Either way just an update and have a good day!

Whelp by the title as you can guess, I have decided to get a new job...I'll be starting very soon and it's gonna be way different compared to my now old job. First off FULL time, paid WEEKLY which will be a great help compared to getting paid every other week. Basically a typical warehouse/stock job...because just...customers man...

And it's not like I even really dealt with Karens or such horrid people, nothing like screaming at me or threatening me, etc. But I have seen some of my coworkers go through some nasty people and by god does it BOIL my blood...I have dealt with more of sour/rude moods, and well like the saying goes, "One spoil apple ruins the whole bunch..."

I'm starting to realize and form anger issues from all of this, maybe it was always there I just bottled it up since I had the typical "perfect life" the kind of "Oh everything is okay!" to not worry my grandma or my parents at the time kind of deal...but even I don't know what is wrong with me anymore :/

But moving on, I feel terrible for leaving my coworkers cause they are really some of the nicest people I have met, they're more like friends to me. Been there for 3 years! But others have come and gone, so it's not like I am the only one who is leaving. And if this new job isn't what it said to be, they said I am always welcomed back

And yes, way back when just getting this job, I did know what I would be facing, I built a backbone for myself, ready to take on any customer and their BS but holy frick...it has just wore down to bone dust at this point...everyone has their breaking point and I finally reached mine.

Just the human race...ugh, I hate it...it's just so selfish really...be thankful you can even get up and walk to your car, drive to the store and have enough to buy what you need! I ain't no manager or head guy around here, taking your anger or issues out on me ain't gonna do shit! Especially after what my family and I have been through starting back in 2017, I have learned to be very grateful for what I have even if it isn't the best or we do struggle at times, we are still better off and keep going strong unlike many others

Then there were the LOW times...especially last year around Christmas was horrible...I HATED the holiday because with working you learn that it's not about the snow, family, love, Jesus (if you're the religious kind), etc. NOPE it's about GIMME GIMME GIMME! Nothing but selfish people! Oof I HATE it...

And sometimes I would be in such a low mental state my mom was scared to leave me alone at home...worried I was going to go so far and well you know KYS, which I NEVER would do. But I did punch walls and throw stuff once she was gone...probably not good, but hey least I was getting the anger out.

I feel bad cause in the end I want to say I did like my job, but also hated my job...it's a 50/50. I'll miss it for the coworkers/friends, but NOT miss those types of rotten customers or taking phones.

Plus I think too it was the idea of not feeling like I was not getting anywhere, yes the job did help me by actually giving me a chance unlike other places I tried to apply to, and yes it helped me gain skills, learn about cash registers, how inventory works, how the REAL world is, and it's amazing I got through this all right when COVID hit...and yes the money I was bringing in did help keep us afloat (especially since my mom didn't have a job at the time), but overtime now, I think I need to move on, like getting a job that pays more, possibly has benefits, pays weekly which will be a MAJOR help to us. Like we can finally work on getting our OWN HOME, no more renting, having a yard, being able to have family over to visit, furniture!

Am I worried for this new job, oh yes big time, the time I start is pretty early and with staying up for my shows, it does scare me, luckily nothing new is out now, but I'm sure things will start popping up very soon...The shows I mainly and would stay up for no matter what are Golmaal Jr, Smashing Simmba, and Gattu Battu, those are like my top 3 I cannot live without XD plus I would be getting home early as well so I can always nap and catch up. (and having weekends off is nice)

Either way I have no idea if this will let me have time to really work on art right now I will definitely have to get into the groove of things first. I hope everything is going to go good and I can pull through this, I want to move on in life and not be stuck in the same routine day in and day out.

Anyways just wanted to let my friends/watchers know, hope everything is going good for you guys as well. See ya around

Okay so I gotta just...rant/vent a little...cause I'm sick and tired of trying to ignore it and put on a fake happy smile and being nice to others with fake kindness...when the stuff they say/comment gets under my skin, feels like a stab...

People need to learn that interests CHANGE...its been about 5 years since 2017 hit me and my family hard with tragedies of losing loved ones and after my grandma passed it seemed like a lot of family dirt has come crawling out of the woodworks like we all keep saying this is something that will bring us closer together but hell it sure hasn't felt like it 0-0 , but of course that's all family stuff, private stuff, etc...Been 5 years since all that stupid drama happened, that I've seen people still bring back up and try to go after a certain person...

(which I know for some were hurt by it worse than others, I get that, but please...its been 5 years now! Even they have moved on and are in a new fandom and doing stuff they enjoy and have even posted an apology which I read and thought was actually pretty good, yet people will still try to "expose" or warn others of them...like how can anyone prove they even changed when not given the chance to show they changed!!!???)

But I digress...

It's just that why does it seem like I can't change my interests? I've seen others have but you know GOD FORBID I like these cartoons from India! Its apparently the end of the world if I change my interests and do something that makes me happy ever since 2017 hit.

Like sorry but I'm not into Total Drama like I use to be, I even cringe back looking at my stuff, I don't mind some of it, like the Chet and Lorenzo stuff was fun and sweet, but other stuff like ships and that...just...ugh. I felt like I was a cunt to people back then too. Like if you said something about a ship or were trolling I'd snap back like a snapping turtle, I was stupid back then, I felt like I was rude to others or defended my art too much you know? Stupid young teenage stuff and I do apologize for that if those I may have hurt even see this (who knows maybe they have moved on as well into other stuff).

I even felt like I was like that even back into the mr men show stuff, just snapping back at times. Or being flat out rude. And then when tragedies struck I felt so bad looking back and seeing me drag you guys down with me at times, with depressing status posts or replying to comments with sadness. Like you guys were only trying to make me happy or trying to get it through I needed to seek help, like therapy, etc. (I sadly still haven't done that but I've been kind of able to cope on my own for now).

But I would be mean or rude and snap back or just do a whole pity me party, such stupid BS. And I am truly sorry to all of you for doing that.

I have definitely learned to try and let go, and definitely be kinder to others and comment nice positive/funny stuff, to support others and their art. To try and not to rant or vent online cause to me, I see no point :/ I feel like I'd only make others upset or worried and in the end you guys are not really here to help, as in not right by my side in my room right now able to hug or talk to me personally. Yeah words and comments can help but only to some level. Plus I know many don't want to just sugar coat everything either, I sadly felt like I've done that at times as well with others when they were down. Sugar coating can sometimes be just as worse sadly :/

Plus this is DA after all, more so for art and storytelling, not drama and sadness.

Ugh but I digress again!

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What I'm trying to get at is...and I don't want to keep explaining around it or sugar coating it or trying to be nice, cause like I said...I'm tired of being too kind people think they can walk over me...

I'm tired of being only good for Mr. Men or Total Drama, or other old fandom I was a part of that has died down now, etc art...

Like I don't think some of you get how this can really hurt me...like a backstab. That I'm apparently NOTHING if I don't draw what YOU want or certain things. I'm not a robot or art machine. I'm a human, a very young adult with a job, a family, other interests outside of the computer system.

And I don't get why some can't accept it...what do you have against these other shows I love dearly?

DON'T TAKE IT WRONG, I get it's not going to be everyone's cup or tea or chocolate milk, or even water, I get that. I'm not forcing you to love these shows like I do...but at least given them and me the artist here a little respect. Yeah I don't mind if you don't like them or want to meme them out or whatever. But saying they're cringe over and over is getting annoying and plus honestly it makes you look more cringey :/

If you say these shows are bad cause they're not in English or are from India, well...holy shit there buddy that's just flat out Racist if you ask me...no ifs, ands, or buts about it. No way I'm sugar coating that part...just flat out racist...

Yet it's okay to like those big titty anime girls and be a weeaboo and fetishize Japanese anime right?

Yet liking some children cartoons from India is bad?

To like those little simple shape characters with the faces that have British accents,

yet the shows I like are bad cause what, they're from some "poor 3rd world country that has dirty long bearded men who want bob and vag"??? (Those memes are getting old and racist just saying...)

Like you see where I'm getting at?

Like these shows are apparently the worst thing to exist and I'm horrible for liking these...

And if another reason is "Well they took you away from Mr. Men/other show/etc!" Oh PISS OFF! I'm sorry but seriously? There were TONS of other factors into play, the drama, the stuff going on back at home with the loss of loved ones, just not feeling like drawing. Heck I haven't stayed in other interests for that long...like Punch out, I stopped drawing that stuff when I couldn't finish the game and took a break from it. Total drama stopped around after high school cause I was out of school, the show stopped and there was no drive anymore to continue drawing it. Even if the show came back with a new season I sadly couldn't watch it...cable just decided to remove the whole CN channel out of no where so I can't even give smiling friends a chance...THANKS CABLE!

Onaf died down after the 3rd game was cancelled and even though years later came back it only lasted a little as well sadly :/

Heck I haven't even drawn Gattu Battu for a while since that show has been off the air for like 2 or 3 years now no new eps or even reruns.

Like what is so bad about these shows...sadly D se dab meme that literally lasted only 2 weeks as a meme ruined it all. Yes it was the reason I even found these shows, but it made them look so bad...but heck Nickelodeon and Cartoon network here in America has had some pretty cringey stuff you know? Or just spams the same show for hours on end...and now any of the good cartoons I hear about are all sadly behind a streaming service that my mom and I clearly can't afford. That's one major thing I hated about the pandemic, all these streaming services came about and costed a lot of money when this was a time where people were struggling to get by...its a shame how down low tv had become and it's all about services and money...I hate it.

But least my shows I like I can get for free! No money unless I wanted to pay for Voot but that's a whole different thing lol. Since I'm not in school I can stay up super late for them and it's fun. Sometimes tiring yes but I can draw, work on stuff while I wait, get stuff done I usually couldn't before.

Like have you even given the shows a chance? Again I know everyone won't like them and trying to find them is very hard if you don't know how or about VPNs, etc. But if you're judging them before even trying to know what they're about...well you know the saying, "Don't judge a book by it's cover." (Plus there are some episodes you can find on YouTube on the Voot channel)

If your excuses are they're poorly animated, not good looking, bad designs

STOP RIGHT THERE AND HOLD THE PHONE!

I'm sorry to say this but damn it boi you are so wrong! Horribly wrong! The shows are amazing, least decent if you want to go there. They have at least improved compared to their older shows. Golmaal jr, Little Singham, Smashing Simmba, would even say Gattu Battu or Ekans looks like something that could air over here in America. Yeah it's not super hyper Anime style of animation but its GOOD!

Characters are adorable, like the Golmaal boys, Ting-Tong, little Singham and his friends they are so cute, I love them ;3; and the VILLAINS OMG they're all amazing in their designs!!!! King Cobra, Sher Singh, the evil magicians in Rudra just man they can get super creative in designs and looks. (Some of them be smoking hot). Voice acting isn't bad either (mainly the main Hindi dub is what to go for) the voices fit the characters and do have/show emotions.

Like some make it out that these shows are just UTTER TRASH! When really they're not, not at all.

So why is it so hard to understand and get it through your heads that I've changed...for the BETTER honestly. I'm happy when seeing these characters, I feel good watching them and drawing art of them. I've learned to calm down more, and be kinder online and not let others get me down with the whole "ew that cringey" BS. Cringe is dead...been dead for a while now.

Honestly maybe it didnt even exist in the first place, maybe it was a way for people to bring others down in the stuff they loved...and that's terrible...

I've been told my art is trash by trolls and to kill myself (note this was actually on a mr men art piece), that I'm insane for liking the India cartoons and I'm poisoning others by just drawing what I love. That I'm cringe, these shows are trash we want stuff from English shows.

Like I don't think some of you get how that makes me feel? Like TRASH, like I'm NOTHING because I'm not drawing silly shapes with faces on them, or pencil thin total drama girls that literally look all the same in body shape :/

These shows saved me when I was in a DARK place and mind set...I hated anything and everything I was drawing...just stupid ugly color pencils sketches...a digital art tablet just sitting on the shelf never been used, comparing myself to everyone else on DA, seeing their amazing art and comparing it to mine and only hating myself more. Even though my art was getting positive and happy comments from friends I was just blind to it all and once again snapped at others who tried to make me happy.

I don't know how they snapped me out of this feeling but they did, I decided to finally try my art tablet, to look up art programs I could get for free and use my tablet with. And well you guys can see I've still been using it ever since.

THEY SAVED ME! I don't care how stupid that sounds to you guys or how silly it may seem but they did and I am thankful they have...

And who knows what if I never came across them...what would of happened? Well I guess I'd either be miserable in my art, maybe even have given up or left DA and just gone off to something else. Or maybe another thing/show could of "saved" me and would of been my new interest. So you can't blame these certain shows for this...again I could of fallen into something else if I didn't find them, or maybe even worse...and have given up at one point.

And yeah I do still draw other stuff from time to time, I have tried to get back into other stuff, but these shows always seem to drag me back, and I don't mind it cause it makes me happy. Heck I even remade my whole Mr. Men show GOREtober and I was hoping to revive the fandom again, but I was honestly shocked and surprised I didn't get that many comments...or faves? I thought people wanted more mr men art from me, I end up drawing it and just nothing maybe minus a few comments and faves, so I then go back to my usual stuff of other art and ideas.

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Now I'm definitely gonna have to clear this up since I know some friends reading this may be thinking I'm targeting them, but no, I'm not mad at everyone here, not even really mad at anyone just upset and disappointed, meh yeah and maybe a little mad after all...

But I think those friends already get the gut feeling I'm not mad/this isn't about them. Those who have supported me through my change in interests, even if they were upset at first, they didn't drag me down, didn't say I was poison for liking these shows, even if they didn't comment or like everything I made, they gave me support and love on some, defended me when others tried to bring me down. And to those friends and watchers I say THANK YOU <3 thank you so much for sticking by me through everything the bad, the good, the ugly, the happy, EVERYTHING.

And of course there are/were friends who have since moved on and I haven't heard from in a long while, and to them, that's okay as well and I'm not mad at them. Most have moved onto other interests as well, or even left DA as a whole due to Eclipse coming in, or maybe personal issues going on in their life, and that's all fine. I'm not mad at you guys if that's the case. And I hope those people are all doing okay...

And some may worry when asking about art or requests or now even when I have opened art trades, that's different, if you were a good friend and I draw the art for you, you were not bothering me, and with art trades now that's different since that's the whole point to art trades, you ask for me to draw something, and I'll draw it, then I ask for something and you'll draw it. Which does bring some issues...I made it clear in my rules of what I'm going to ask for and so far a majority of you have been doing good :3 loving the art I'm seeing so far! It just makes me happy to see how others make the characters look ^3^

But...I don't like it when people just come in and already tell me what they're gonna draw me...I thought the whole point to a trade was I ASK FOR WHAT I WANT! Not let someone else just make the choice for me...that's not how art trades work! That's why there's rules I put in for a reason. This is my account my hands draw the art, you DON'T CONTROL ME LIKE A DAMN PUPPET!

And honestly this does tear me up a little when I think about it...like you seriously hate these shows so much...you don't want to even just draw a simple drawing for the trade? For me? I'm not asking you to change your whole account to art of these shows! Or to bend back in love with these shows...Just 1 simple drawing of some simple characters and you can't even do that cause you hate them that much...like a while back, I was asked what I would like for my Birthday since someone wanted to draw me something, I asked for Gattu Battu and said ay maybe you could work out of your comfort zone and just try it, you know? Was flat out told that "Oh sorry I don't draw that TRASH..." Like I'm sorry but PISS off at that point....you had the nerve to ask me for what I wanted when you knew exactly what I was into and most likely what I would ask for, MY DAMN BIRTHDAY AND REFUDE WHAT I REALLY WANTED...

Have had others just jump the bus and already draw me something, back me into a corner for a trade? Nah, I ain't playing these games anymore...Not letting others take my kindness and hard to saying no for granted, I'm putting my foot down, straightening my spine to say NO!

Like Wilt from Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends...finally yelling NO!

Again I'm not forcing you to love these shows like I do, I'm just asking to please least give them respect. I know there were shows and stuff I didn't care for back then and called cringe and all, but I have changed, and learned to let people, kids, teens, young artists to just let them be themselves and to let them enjoy their interests. No matter what...

But what I'm saying for the end now, is I'm tired of this...just feeling like I am only good for certain things, that I have to meet these demands of others to be liked...(and sidenote the more you ask for other stuff the more I'm gonna ignore it and continue shoving all the other stuff in your face tee-hee :3 )

But least know that I'm a person behind this screen, not a drawing robot, my interests have changed, and who knows maybe one day in the future they may change again.

If you can't get over that or if me liking these shows, shows meant for kids for Pete sake, bothers you this much, then maybe you should just hit that unwatch button, maybe even block me...cause I'm not gonna stop and I'm sorry even though I really shouldn't be sorry for enjoying and wanting to share something I love...

So I'll finally end this with some songs I know and that have helped me, enjoy the music and thank you to those who have supported me and respected me and not say the things I love were cringe to my face <3